He Wants More Often, She Wants Less: How to Live with Different Desires

One wants it more often, the other less — this happens in all kinds of couples, and it's not a sign of incompatibility. The danger lies elsewhere: when the difference turns into a struggle where one pursues and the other defends. Then it's no longer about frequency — it's about safety disappearing between you. Let's look at how to talk about this without blame and what helps break out of that cycle.

There Is No Norm for Frequency

The first thing to let go of is the search for a norm. There's no right number and no right rhythm. Some people need closeness every day, some once a month, some rarely and with pauses — and none of these is a "malfunction."