Why You Choose Narcissists: The Childhood Connection

You're not drawn to bad people. You're drawn to a familiar pattern.

Many people who've ended up in relationships with a narcissist notice the same thing: it keeps happening. Different people. Different names. Same script. First, idealization. Then, devaluation. Then, pain. And you're right back in that same hole, thinking: What's wrong with me? Why do I keep choosing this kind of person?

The answer lies in childhood. When one parent was a narcissist—or emotionally unavailable, demanding, or belittling—you grew up internalizing one rule: love is when someone first admires you, then lets you fall. First sees you, then makes you invisible. First holds you, then goes cold.