Forgiving your parents: Do you have to, and how to do it

Forgiveness isn't a gift to them. It's a release for you. But you only do it when you're ready.

Everyone says: you need to forgive your parents. Otherwise you won't heal. Otherwise you won't let go. And you listen and think: how? How do I forgive what happened? How do I forgive the coldness? How do I forgive the shouting? How do I forgive them for breaking things? And you feel guilt for not being able to forgive. Or anger that it's demanded of you.

Here's what matters: forgiveness isn't about them. It's about you. It doesn't mean: 'Everything was fine.' It doesn't mean: 'You did great.' It doesn't mean: 'I've forgotten.' Forgiveness means: 'I'm not giving you power over my life anymore. I'm not waiting for what you'll never give. I'm no longer carrying your guilt.'