Self-Esteem and Relationships: Why You Put Up with What You Shouldn't

You don't choose your partner by chance. You choose someone who confirms what you believe about yourself.

Your self-esteem is a magnet. It attracts people who reinforce it. If you see yourself as a nobody, you're drawn to those who undermine you—not because you're naive, but because it feels familiar. When they say, “You're nothing,” it echoes your own inner critic. It makes the world predictable. It proves you're right.

If you see yourself as worthless, you won't trust someone who calls you wonderful. You'd think, “They must be blind,” or “They want something from me,” or “They haven't seen the real me yet.” Meanwhile, someone who criticizes, belittles, or dismisses you seems honest. “Finally—someone who sees me for who I really am.”